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For many people, success is a very dear concept in life in contrast to the failure we can not generalize the idea of success, however, in order to understand what success should be understood, I am describing here.
success can be defined in various ways and paradigms but the most popular image of success is to achieve something great not only in personal capacity but in public as well. for example, some people can earn more money quicker then other and that will be considered as personal and social success and the other people who remained poor or less privileged will be considered as the failure.
similarly, if someone, teams or organizations achieve something great according to their scheduled plan they will be considered victorious.
success in my point of view, is the very relative term we use in everyday life one important development in one’s life or in organizational change, can be viewed admirably or as a mediocre step. for example, if an individual has a list of achievements in his life, that can be considered a list of failure in other frames of reference or mindset.paradigms about being a truly successful or failure can be varied with person to person, culture to culture, and civilization to civilization from here we develop the idea of the superiority of certain types of individuals, organizations, and cultures over others. sometimes it creates the negative impact on all stack holders. In today’s world, many problems and conflicts between person’s, and cultures are the outcome of same thinking pattern, one does not acknowledge the success of other or show an envy.
There’s is a famous quotation of Einsteins:-
“The significant problems, we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”
There’s always need of upgrade’s of mindset, thinking pattern and broader perspective it does also mean that one method of success in any generation may or may not be successful in next generation because of limiting beliefs, confined scientific, modern knowledge and incorrect paradigms sometimes generations or cultures cannot determine what, why and how things are required in this contemporary world.
Actually, in my point of view success is very personal phenomena it should not always be generalized because like I said earlier success is varied from person to person. Any person can be successful if he or she is achieving what they have scheduled in their planning and goals of life whether on personal or professional capacity.
A key indicator’s of being the truly successful individual is a high degree of personal satisfaction, clarity, great and simple communication, self-discipline, integrity, vision, passion and conscious. Of course, a positive and successful person is a whole person creative driving force to achieve greatness. The ripples of these great will be sprinkled to the external world automatically, not deliberately.
The degree of maturity of a successful person can be judged with the fact that an individual is living with balance life that is 360.360 degrees life means he or she is progressing in all major or selective areas of life steadily with their conscious effort to drive themselves in their journey of life regardless of criticism, procrastination and self-limiting beliefs from others.
“The history of the freeman is never by chance but by choice-their choice”
by Dwight D.eisenhower
I would like to share with you that Customer Service is one of a great profession in all industries. Nowadays Customer Service is very challenging but so much potential to learn new skills and polishing skills. As like other trades, Minicab or Taxi industry has so many expectations from customer service agents like you and other of your colleagues are. Every major organization in the current market is getting the edge over other based on practicing highest values of customer services.
Here are 15 points that you can consider before planing to excel your job role:
Customer service is not limited to serve only the customers but also all stake holders of the organisation. It is not limited to only taking calls but also serving them.
Customer service is not only limited to entering data but also reporting any major or minor incidents or events connected with operations.
Customer service is not only limited to stick with your computer screen but also working (digitally & physically) as part of the team in the office.
Customer service is not only limited to individual capacity to deal with visitor inquiries or customers queries but also building a relationship with them.
Customer service is not only limited to talking over the phone but also giving genuine feeling to the customers on the other end of the phone.
Customer service is not only giving cab service to the customer but also showing them the reflection of the mission of the company i.e. Amazing, Reliable and Experienced.
Customer service is not only limited to deal all inquiries or queries or complaints, individually but also escalating concerning the matter to relevant departments within the organization.
Customer service is not only following particular instructions within job role but also very much expandable by expanding vision about customer services and upgrading the role to the next level of service.
Customer service is not only too many calls continuously with pressure but also showing a great sense of responsibility to show same great service passion to the customer on the other end of the phone as a proactive contributor.
Customer service is not only to work as an individual but also part of the big plan of a synergistic team designed by effective management of the organization.
Customer service is not only booking travel information into the system but also reserving expectations of the customer for current job and next job.
Customer service is not only the first eye of contact of the company but also ever lasting impression upon a customer for rest of their life.
Customer service role cannot only be important milestone for your professional career but create and make loyal connections of the outer world with the company.
Customer service role is not only high paid role in the modern world but also a great contributor to the organizational annual financial targets.
Customer service is not a fixed enclosed role with limited set of expectations but also provide the foundations of becoming leader in your role and all possible upgraded roles in future.
All things are possible to the person who believes they are possible. NAPOLEON HILL
Believes system for man is like a network of billions of psycho-neuron cells that generate thoughts to make emotions so that their body can move independently to achieve something or act on in liaison spiritual intelligence. It is so powerful that drive man towards whether the path of mediocre or path of greatness. It may also refer as paradigms that mean mental maps or pattern of thoughts that define objects or events in unique ways.
Very high self-esteemed people have powerful believe so that they don’t get influence from the environment. They are proactive and have won on self so that they not only work independently but also interdependently as a team in office and family. The correctness of beliefs depends on the purity of thoughts or principles based paradigms that people choose to adopt from different stages i.e. childhood or nurturing, genes or nature or through their own choice.
Dr. Stephen put Paradigm in this way,
“Paradigm commonly used today to mean a perception, assumption, theory, frame of reference or lens through which you view the world. It’s like a map of territory or city. If inaccurate, it will make no difference how hard you try to find your destination or how positively you think – you’ll stay lost. If accurate, then diligence and attitude matter. But not until. ” (The 8th Habit – 2003)
Many centuries ago, famous scientist Francesco Redi discovered a fact against long lasted false belief under which they knew that maggots could be spontaneously generated from meat. Since Germs theory verify that every phenomenon or event is in the result of tiny microscopic insects called germs and nothing can be happened but due to germs. This amazing discovery open new dimension and change paradigms of medical science existed from centuries.
Believes in vital values such as dignity, honesty, and integrity are edges of rope of success. No short-cuts or alleyways should provide you keys to the road of success. Although, it seems path through main functions such as Vision, Discipline, Passion, and conscience, are difficult and long to walk over, however, it is only true reality to set on if you are a believer on true and long lasting success.
One of the biggest challenges is to believe on work in current information knowledge work age which had laid behind industrial mindset. Both mindsets are opposite to each other. You cannot get heartfelt success personally or in form of teams or whole company if you are lacking ingredient of requirement of modern age such as principle based leadership vision, considering employees as asset and machines as liability , whole person-paradigm, not partial individual, shared-vision, great alignment within departments, empowerment and all connected with high trust. These are fundamental beliefs of the modern and natural paradigm of success. Author John Gardner once said, ” Most ailing organizations have developed a functional blindness to their own defects, They are not suffering because they cannot resolve their problems, but because they cannot see their problems.”
If you believe on principle based success and associated values, it is imperative not to concentrate on disempowering environment or people. It is a famous fable that Once a deaf frog was dropped into a deep well and it was hard to come out. All nearby frogs gathered around the well to criticize that why did he drive into a deep well. All were shouting or mocking the Frog. Since that frog could not hear and the Frog was a focus to climb up the walls of the well to come out. He assumed positively that all frogs were motivating him that come on, come on, you could come out. Eventually, that frog came out of well and everyone was so astonished that how he could survive and he said that he was not aware that all other frogs were criticizing, all frogs were pushing for him to come out, he explained.
Like a frog, we all believe on our strengths and don’t put our ears on others criticism and negative thoughts. Believe in yourself and you will be succeeded like a frog.
Theory of relativity and modern Science after Isaac Newton 1700 or beyond changed belief systems of previous all generations. Therefore, inventions and discoveries in all fields such as mechanics, electronics, genetics, physics, mathematics etc are more frequent with greater speed than before, all due to change of mind-set and believe on new tools, thoughts, and skills-set.
Dr. Stephen once said, “If you want to make minor, incremental changes and improvements, work on practices, behavior or attitude. But if you want to make significant, quantum improvement, work on paradigms.”
In historical perspective, if religious paradigms were aligned with scientific and modern knowledge based developments, it had played a significant role in building faith based nations like Muslims. Old Muslims used to have powerful believes that their faith and revelation also support and source of encouragement for discoveries, inventions and learning modern knowledge. Since those beliefs led foundations of modern science and culture and built a creative golden age of Muslim Civilisation that stretched from Spain to China for many hundreds of years. Since those beliefs disappeared, a nation turned into entirely different downward fall. Some wonders of those beliefs were Lighthouse of Alexandria (one of the wonders of the Ancient World), The House of Wisdom: Baghdad’s intellectual Powerhouse, top Medical books, beautiful and majestic mosques, Ibn Sina’s ‘Canon book, a medical reference in Europe for 500 years!, Extra ordinary women from the Golden Age of Muslim Civilisation, Al-Jahiz’s Book of Animals, The Rise of papermaking industry, Where algebra got is name from, stunning ceilings from wonders of Islamic Architecture, The Islamic Roots of modern Pharmacy, Glass industry, amazing Mechanical devices and clocks and top popular cities were under civilisation of believers !
Social mirrors are very many functions of beliefs of the people in a certain society. illiteracy and without a sense of self-actualization, nations turn into the backward crowd who follow low values and unproductive traditions. People tend to see their success and failure in terms of beliefs and social mirrors. For example, a society where Doctor or Engineer or rich Businessman is considered only high rank of success is a good example of poor social mirrors.
It is important how you see yourself you become. A child of an elephant is generally chained with rope and he thinks that he cannot break and hence he cannot be free himself. The Same elephant when gets an adult, still thinks that he cannot get rid of a chain, even when he has enormous power to break it anytime but an adult elephant cannot because he has thought that he was and is limited. If you want to achieve big you need to break chains of ignorance from your mind.
People and nations who believe in a power of Character Ethics they develop more mature and successful children who do not believe in success on personal ethics. They believe that success is a consistent journey led by the sequential development of Physical, Mental, Social or emotional or Spiritual intelligence.
In recent modern history is witnessed that how few individuals transformed their people in the country and achieved massive from scratch. Such as Mother Teresa, Malala, Gandhi, Nelson Mendela, Edhi, Arunima Sinha, Founding fathers of United States of America, Churchill, and all Prophets, are few examples who were born to believe in serving their people and reshaped their destiny.
If you are Office Professional/House wife/ unemployed/Manager/Director/CEO or thinking to change your career and you want write mission statement of your life, Team or organisation, or want to set personal or organisational goals, or you are finding your own voice or purpose or you want to identify and separate wrong beliefs or social mirrors from correct belief, than sign up to book free session with me.
Click here: http://www.lifemasterysuccess.com/#booknow
To plan a year is the best and ideal action for successful individual. These productive leaders design their mission and goals of life. It leads to some big milestones of their life. It is directly proportional to personal effectiveness, improving relationships, increasing wealth, achieving dreams and spiritual gratification. We can achieve these milestones in different but steady years of our life. It can be further divided into single many years achievement. There is good news for you that today is extremely best time and offering you superb opportunity for plan your year. Since year 2015 is at your hand and you are excited, thrilled and passionate about it so you can consider this year as unit-success to achieve your all milestones.
Now question is how you can make this year 2015 more productive with effectiveness that you require to maintain. Certainly it needs following five ingredients:
Mission, purpose and set of goals
Time Management skills
Planning tools (Paper or digital)
Sharpen the Saw
If you have not yet started to plan your year you must realize that this is the finest time for you. I would say because if you delay or postpone this vital yearly planning time, your next days and weeks can distract your attention and de-motivated you and you will be in state of motionlessness or on path of mediocrity. I strongly suggest you to take charge of your life right now.
Bottom line of this post is,
“Think seriously, write professionally and act with free independent will to achieve your mission, goals and tasks for year 2015”.
Here I will help you that how you can design your own year 2015. You are just few steps away to create your future.
Please follow six easy steps:
STEP 1: First find your favorite time, place and environment where you feel really peace, calmness and privacy. For example some people find early morning or late night or at library or Gardens or far from city etc.
STEP 2: Secondly, Imagine and mediate yourself about in future by closing your eyes when you would be celebrating your 80th birthday. Imagine about those key people such as family, friends and work associates would be around you. Suppose If they were given one piece of paper with pen and ask them to write about you that how did they would have found you in their life. Just think what sort of appreciations, characteristics and values they would be describing & writing on paper on this most important 80th birthday of your life. What things, events and greatness they would be amalgamating with you. Jot down each and every coming thoughts in your mind. This is will enable you to compile draft list of various points related to different dimensions of your life and it could be your relationships, humanistic universal values and feelings. It is really important and special.
STEP 3: Now read paper again and again, divide all written things, sentences, feelings and voices into Values, Roles and Goals.
Please remember that Values are those moral words with feelings such as integrity, humility, punctual, confidence, balance, maturity, vision, passion, trustworthy, hard-work, agility, organize, adaptability, thoughtful etc.
Roles are your key relationships and social positions, for example As Manager, Teacher, Volunteer, Accountant, Assistant, Father, Mother and Community worker etc.
And Goals are interconnected with your thoroughly life practical achievements with help of your values in certain roles. For example, one possible your goal for an effective Administrative Manager could be: “I will be reshaping some of vital administrative work of my department in my company by relocation data and files of thousands of customers on paper to digital document drive till 31st Dec 2015”.
Being business leader, CEO or entrepreneur your wild goal could be: “to generate revenue of one million pounds by using dynamic electronic marketing tools at end of Dec 2015”.
As community worker: “I would be assisting my supervisor in doing at least feedback surveys with our 5000 active club members for improving customer services throughout year 2015”.
STEP 4: Keep revising and composing above goals, roles and values (prepared in step 3) every day for at least 1-2 weeks. Make sure you add or remove contents until it become homogeneous. You can insert images in the content to make inspiring and attractive presentation for yourself. Make realistic and achievable goals. Think concretely and straightforwardly toward your goals to achieve it. Make even short terms as many goals which lead toward big goal or life event or accomplishment.
STEP 5: Ideally you should also hire a Personal Coach for achieving your goals. Qualified and experience Coach in specific niches will inspire your energies, unleash your hidden potential, will be proven as greatest source of motivation in achieving your life goals for any role. Hold at least 2-4 coaching sessions with your coach on-line or on-site and share your vision, goals for next year 2015. Work on it. Take the inspiration from your Coach in finding more best available methods to achieve your goals. How to maintain the discipline is your one of challenge.
Lastly, set a personal reward system for your achievement either weekly or monthly achievement. Involve yourself in some fun, party, great dinner on intimacy, once you achieve something important. It will help you more to stay connected with your goals and vision.
In following above step 2, during designing your goals you can keep four vital dimension of your life. i.e. Body, Mind, Heart and Spirit. You must craft your goals in alignment of your needs of physical fitness, emotional management, passion of life and conscience endeavors. It will lead you to spend whole year with balance and enjoyment.
For example Goals related to your physical needs could be; loss weight or maintaining fitness with choosing wise nutrition and commitment of not for bad eating.
Goals related to mental growth can be such as reading or writing valuable book, getting admission in short or long diplomas or degree for doing systematic education and learning.
Improving relationship goals such as with spouse, partner, Boss, co-workers are so important and vital for your life happiness. Make these goals and do not feel isolate. Because losing quality of relationships or break-up can lead for seriously life failure. So enrich your relationships with genuine emotional attachment.
and finally spiritual intelligence can emphasize you to make goals those are attached with sacred causes or divine literature or holy modern or traditional personalities watering your wisdom and increasing your sense of differentiate between right and wrongs and help in awakening and maturing your conscience.
Remember, failure in focusing and designing goals of your real needs of your body, mind, heart and spirit in Year 2015 will result in imbalance and can lead to path of mediocrity or some time uncertainty and demoralization. Remember key is balance that will precede you toward growth and adapt constant change through time of year till 31 Dec 2015 until these goals will connect with your next year 2016 goals and next until all years achievements will become parts of whole life mission.
If you are really interested, I can offer you 45-60 minutes coaching session on Skype or one-one in London. Please send me your interest on email@example.com
In today’s domains of management gurus, psychology experts and biologists scientists are choosing their preferences from very interesting discussion that how much important nature or nurture in the success of an individual or there is other reality as well? In addition, how much important is actually, the age of childhood in shaping one’s life.
I think this is very fundamental question comes in the mind. Many theories and interpretations have been discussed in academia and in leadership development training institutes.
Is it really genetic or environmental or psychic causes or there is another fact beyond it? Sometime people become so determinist and sometime optimistic. On the other hand God has sent down man to contribute and live to leave legacy, how much this believe is so powerful or thoughtful.
My Purpose is to explore to see different point of views and at the end we can find some comprehensive outcomes.
Last week, I put this discussion on Facebook and LinkedIn and asked many people and experts on different networks on internet. I found various responses and different perspective for this great quest.
Let me tell you first what question was asked.
Here It is:
Question: What are your thoughts on this: “Freudian psychology which postulates that whatever happens to you as a child shapes your character and personality and basically governs your whole life. The limits and parameters of your life are set, and , basically , you can’t do much about it”.
( Extracted from book “The 7 habits of Highly Effective People” by Dr. Stephen R. Covey, p-69,1989)
I am sharing here those and some valuable opinions and answers of people which they shared with me on social networks. It will give us broader view from different minds about this very subject. I am copying them here as it and we will continue this discussion until we reach on greatest conclusion.
“I believe it’s true our up bringing does shape us but I also believe people can change their character & personality. I’m a living example my character changed! No one life goes without difficulty that they can’t blame. When people blame they give up their power to change”.
“There is shaping, but it isn’t set in stone. How you choose to respond to what was done in your youth and how you were shaped… your response is totally up to you. Some choose to respond with ” This is how I am.” Others choose to respond with “How can I overcome? How can I be more in spite of what was and currently is?” Mind is our servant and will work with whatever we give it. In the first choice, mind is given a command to continue affirming what is. In the second choice, mind is given a quest, command of transformation. Mind works to fulfill what we give”.
Robert responds to my question like this:
“What you say sounds good, and I believe choice plays a role shaping one’s life. As much as I respect the work of the late Stephen Covey, my experience informs me that many psychological problems and disorders related to childhood can’t be healed through choice. If I understand your response correctly the complex field of psychology can be reduced to one theory of choice? Faced with many challenging executive coaching assignments over several decades has prompted me to forge collaborative working relationships with talented psychotherapists who are skilled at addressing the unconscious issues while my work stays on the organizational/conscious side of the boundary where I’m trained. In such cases the client is asked to grant permission for us to work as a team in support of shared outcomes”.
One posting from Leon says here: Dear Maratib: First of all Freud never said that the “The limits and parameters of your life are set, and , basically , you can’t do much about it”. That’s what psychoanalysis is all about, a way to deal with the things in your past to improve your present condition. Now in regards to the choice factor, I agree with Robert. Human behavior is a very complex construct that can not be altered just by the simple exercise of personal choice, there are external and internal aspects that affect the process of changing ones life, for instance, paradigms, resources, knowledge, support systems, even protein intake. Now having said that, I do agree we can change our condition and improve it for good, as far as some of all the factors of this equation align to produce the desired change. Finally, Dr. Covey (a founder of my Master’s Program) didn’t have it all right, or at least scientifically supported.
In light of above two responses of Leon and Robert I replied as:
Robert and Leon, What i have understood from you valuable thoughts that there are many complexities within brain, psychological and biological which cannot fit to the theory of power of choice as Dr. Stephen’s whole work’s philosophy originates i believe. right?
If so than my response would be:
I think that power of choice is relevant to those emerging individuals and minds who are living or want to live/grow/contribute in their personal and outer world. Weak or mentally ill or distorted childhood brain with physically damaged, cannot make choices because of their limitations and illness. They should consult with therapists, counselors and medical doctors. Because the whole idea of chose and success literature is for dynamic individual who are not depend on at least any major illness or such psychological complexities as you are mentioning.
To practice choices are functions and habits of leaders only.
some other responses are shown as below:
“i m supporter of frued psychoanalytical theory , because early experiences really play large role in personality development and continue to influence behavior later in life. But if we talk about change yes we change but it is purely an individual effort and very less of us could manage to do so”.
“Stays in subconscious for most part which does control majority of our unconscious behavior and habitual patterns and reactions. Once one becomes aware, and thru working with a coach like us, they can choose to change, transform, transmute, transcend and evolve negative thoughts beliefs patterns behavior and be best version of themselves as they allow it and take action towards it”. “Stephen Covey wold disagree (and I could be wrong but he preferred Jung). He acknowledged that upbringing powerfully influences your character and personality but ultimately you, as a human, have the choice to do and be otherwise”.
“I don’k know how to represent either one of these two gentlemen, but from my own course of life I strongly disagree. I am much different than I was years ago, stronger, overcam many obstacles, and transformed my life several times through changing jbaits, coaching, etc. Unless THAT, too, was predetermined, which I very seriously doubt”.
I believe it does, but other things that happen later on do change people. Maturity and growth are a big factor. I know I had a habit from childhood, and it was associated with events and stress, I did feel powerless and I almost gave it to the feeling but no, I’m stronger than that come on, anyone can redesign what they believed in when they were young. Everyday we have choices and let’s hope we choose well. I needed and was a puppy that wanted to be loved by everyone, I learnt that not everyone loves you, and it’s better to change that really quickly otherwise one gets hurt. So to an extend, we are the way we are but let’s not accept all of it. Keep an open mind.
I believe it helps shape our character and personality but does not have to define us. We all have the ability to make choices in our lives and change the direction if we want to.
Interesting thought, but I cannot agree. We decide every day, with our options at hand, what kind of life we wish to create for ourselves. It’s the habits we develop, and the daily decisions we make taking into account the personal mission statement we have designed, that create the future we determine. I truly believe that life should be lived “looking forward”.
I agree with most, we make choices every day that decide our fate. I’ve seen a peer that had an unfortunate childhood become a veterinarian and another who had a great childhood end up working the 2nd shift in the light bulb factory. However, I believe it easier for some due to a more positive environment growing up. Thanks!
We as humans have learned to re-invent ourselves and manage our emotions. We can’t always control our hot button’s created during childhood, though we can manage how we react to them when pushed. This is habit 1.
“I’m a believer that we have choice. Once you see that the young you didn’t have the depth of awareness needed to split the event from your version of the event, you can reframe the past and therefor set your future”.
“Sorry i Disagree – it is your mindset that changes every thing around you. It is your attitude towards life that determines your altitude. “If you think you can or you cannot – in both cases you are right”
“I believe that your personality is shaped when you are young and due to your upbringing you may be timid, shy, confident etc. But as an adult you have the choice and now the information to be able to change any character flaws that you developed in childhoods”.
“I believe that the experiences you have as a child play a big part in self defining tracks that play in my mind. Habits and triggers are formed from repeated experiences which almost create a rut in your brain; when X happens to me, I turn right and take this path of reaction. It takes a lot of work to grab the wheel and choose to steer down a different path however it can be done. The wonder of human existence is having free will and the ability to learn, grow and change. Alvin Toffler said “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn”. This quote was not meant to reflect human character and personality, however I still believe it applies. We can learn new ways to respond to stimuli and choose new ways to react. Your childhood is where you start and none of them are idealistic. What you choose to do next is up to you”.
“Freud stimulated ideas from his stimulated thinking as he sought stimulation. The pleasure principle is instinctively and emotionally driven and is at the bedrock of human development. There seems to more that might govern one’s life than the areas Freud was concentrating on”.
“Maratib, to me Freud stood somehwere at the beginning of public Western opinions on psycology, meaning he started a discussion which had been neglected for thousend of years, in western cultures that is. Thousends of years ago people already learned about human behavior and pretty more nuanced than Freud ever described it. Yes as long as you are able to maintain your sense of innocence and creativity you evolve and enrich your self-and people knowledgde. And yes for most the first years are the most impressionable, assuming your creativity and sense of innocence slowly get depressed and replaced by rationals through “socialisation”and education. Still once you reached some level of maturity your tend to go out and seek to get back to the state of mind and freedom you once had? Are they therefore all set and not to be influenced? no way, to easy. There are loads of cultural influences, preferences, personal competencies, genetic imprint and basic instinctive behaviors to consider. I agree that whatever you experience early on during impressionable years will influence you and affect the way you percieve and experience life to be, yet not set it, certainly not that you cannot do anything about it. I find that to be the poorest excuse, you might not be ale to completly change and do a 180 on certain topics and behaviors, but you can and should evolve if only to cope with the only constant being change itself. have fun”.
“Maratib, interesting question. As you mentioned, this has been a key Philosophical question for sometime. We have come to find out as time moves forward that many views presented as fact by well-known philosophers, have been dis-proven or modified to accommodate a better understanding of what is known to be true today. Earth is flat, Sun revolves around the Earth, Dark Matter and other moving targets. Events that happen to us as we grow up definitely influence who we are as individuals and as cultural societies. Typically, the individual is presented with the event and decides if they will react to that event. I do not subscribe to the believe that individuals can’t do much about how they allow it to influence them. It’s up to each of us to choose our own vehicle that takes us forward from that event to the next step in our lives. Some my select anger, others may choose compassion and some may select understanding”.
“For the most part, behavior is set by the age of six. No one knows the percentage contributed by genetics and by environment, but both matter. Can people change? Sure, but usually as a result of a significant emotional event (divorce, death of a loved one, etc). Otherwise, what you see at six is what you get at sixty. Are people prisoners to their behaviors? Yes, unless they use a model like DISC (or something similar) to learn the strengths and limitations of their behavior style. Once learned, salespeople can use their intelligence instead of their emotions (their “emotional intelligence”) to improve their interactions with their clients”.
“It is a bit short-sighted…throughout our life, different events, actions, choices, etc would bring rational or irrational fears in our lives; with which, we have to deal with, thus, we would get shaped (character, emotions, skills, thoughts,…). I see it as a never ending cycle until our last breath. Surely…childhood experiences strongly shape our future self, but indefinitely. Imagine, if someone gets bullied most of his/her childhood. How strong that individual must become to overcome its fears and come out as a better person!? Even more importantly, how long would it take to change one’s perception”?
“It has been a Long mind/thought War beetween Behavioural psicology and The traditional Freudian one. And more contributions have been added by Lacan and Eric Berne and some recent studies from Winnicot. It’ a fact our first 5-6 years personal events strongly influence our beliefs and way of thinking and living emotions; this do not automatically Mean the human being as to be An unmouldable set of cause-reaction mosaic. The innest “machine” in some Way work for ever in The same Way But it’ a possible effort to adapt and change the Way each single individual live everyday actions and emotions. Why can different individuals pass through the same disruptive events surviving Them or being injuried for all the Life Long? Here stand the great trasformation Power given to any human being to learn How to manage herself/himself starting by a Long and honest inside job. If you know the “Inner machine” working everyday in any of your action and thought you have a great power to influence and chance your life; in a different Way I would say as to be almost impossible or a lottery ticket Win !“.
“Hello Maratib, having spent two years studying the irrational, covert and unconscious side of organisational life at an esteemed psycholanalytic institute in NYC it is my opinion that our childhood experience (the subconscious as a tape recorder) plays a significant role in how we view and interact in the adult world. I also believe with the proper support we as human beings can grow beyond the “projected” beliefs and limitations (head trash) we “introjected” as defenseless child”.
In the light of above opinion, I personally believe that It is human choice to make him greater and different beyond past, race, colour, language, region and social setup. This is called dignity of human. You have power to choose your own response any time beyond genetic, environmental and biological reasons. Today, most of dynamic individuals have not even normal childhood but since they have choose to take control on their life, they are unique, star and role models for millions other. It is unique spiritual voice which anyone can be aware of and start to follow it, no matter, what kind of worse current or past circumstances are. Dr. Stephen’s principle of Personal Vision i.e. Be proactive, basically teaches that charge your life at any moment beyond any pressure and leave your legacy.
He put this fact in his famous book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness:
“We are a product of neither nature nor nurture; we are a product of choice, because there is always space between stimulus and response”.
Covey also points out it by saying that “I am what I am” and “I am where I am because I so choose to be there”
Once you build your Personal Mission Statement, you are set on path of greatness and now depend how much you are stuck with it and live by it.
Next step after development mission statement, you need to identify key and important people and functions in your life.
Remember that balance life is key of successful life. We need to keep balance in all roles. It is also greatest challenge of modern world. Management Guru Stephen R. Covey says:
“Many people seem to think that success in one area can compensate for failure in other areas. But can it really? True effectiveness requires balance”.
Do you have idea how you can know about vital people and contribution of your life? Just think!!
Let me tell you now.
Referring to previous exercise of celebrating 80th birthday and you had imagined those people around you, are really important relations. After thinking those people you can now imagine key areas of your life and that each area will be key role of your life.
For example, on 80th birthday people would be children, spouse, colleagues, community workers etc. Suppose Sarah and Adam are two supposed individuals who are keen to change their life and do something extra ordinary.
now their roles will be:
1. Adam as Husband
or Sarah as Wife
2. Adam as Father
or Sarah as Mother
3. Adam as Director
or Sarah as Assistant
4. Adam as community worker
or Sarah as Designer
5. Adam as sportsman
or Sarah as sport lady
6. Adam/Sarah as Student
7. Adam/Sarah as Friend
Usually, you can choose 5-7 key roles, around which your life should be circulating with.
However, in my opinion above mention roles are very traditional and look ordinary. Ideally ordinary. is not?
This step will make each role very special in your life.
For example, if you have identifying husband or wife, you can give new title As Caring partner.
Let’s try to give new and extra-ordinary titles to above supposed roles:
1. Adam as Hubby (Husband)
Sarah as best friend ( Wife)
2. Adam as DAD (Father)
or Sarah as Mom (Mother)
3. Adam as Catalyst for Change (Director)
or Sarah as great department supporter ( Assistant)
4. Adam as great humanistic leader (community worker)
or Sarah as creative art lover (designer)
5. Adam as super sportsman (Footballer)
or Sarah as fitness expert (sports lady)
6. Adam/Sarah as keen Learner (student)
7. Adam/Sarah as Empathic listener (Friend)
Congratulation! you have learn how to develop key roles of your life.
Remember, that all these role(s) and people should be in your imagination when you would celebrate your 80th birthday and also these roles may also be involved in your personal mission statement. ideally your mission statement should have indicated your roles of life.
You can also interpret these roles and can write your own definitions because it is your life. you can ask several question to yourself and write their answer on your diary.
Q1. What is this role meaning in the life?
Q2. Why this role is important for me?
You must have unique roles as your life is unique. In this world you are really different person and you need to define your role(s).
Now you will be have more control on your life and will also resolve the problem like work-Life balance.
If you are facing difficulty in assigning different roles of your life. You can fill out the following quick form and I will try to answer you as soon as possible.
In next article, I will discuss with you about goal settings of your life which is very crucial for your life. Please be remembered this article and video demonstration are part of series of “How to live by Effective Time Management Principles”.
People and business professionals are struggling to maintain their all daily to-do list, tasks, emails and correspondences related to personal, family, Team, clients, community, projects, staff and associates. of course everyone is following some of time management formulas. which are not really source of their contentment. Effective Time Management is one of greatest challenges of today’s world where everybody is extremely busy to meet daily, weekly and monthly need of time but they are not really happy and at the end of day, they show as lethargic and with low motivation for their next day.
It means that majority of people living today is without purpose of life that’s why they are not excited for their tomorrow.
But good news is that we can meet this challenge with most effective time management principle.
Before telling you Effective Time Management skills for 100% fulfilling promise for every need, work and role of your life you need to build your own life and very personal Mission Statement. This is one of the greatest step of a leader’s life. You are the own leader of your life. You need to prove it.
To think and write mission statement is one of fundamental personal initiative of any successful individual. Here I am not going to tell you write mission statement for your family, team and organisation but only for your very personal and secret life.
Personal mission statement is your life constitution which will drive you in entire course of your life successfully and with greatest satisfaction and contentment. It will make you master of your life. Because you have decided to create and design your own life course with own wishes, thoughts and priorities.
Personal mission statement belongs to your spiritual intelligence and give your really purpose and meaning of your life for your ultimately gratification.
Dr. Stephen R. Covey says:
All things are created twice. There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.
Are you read to build and write it? hmmm?
Right from the beginning, please buy or arrange your personal calendar diary from any local store (in case if you do not have), also arrange pen and notepad for draft and rough notes.
Make sure that you are sitting now in very peaceful environment and this moment is that best time when your energy of the day is maximum. Some people feel very pleasant at Dawn or in early in the morning, or sitting in the garden or library. This session should take couple of hours of your life but very important because you are going to create your own destiny and you have decided that you are going to live your own life rather than becoming cultural software and product of circumstances. is it?
Now, put on side every thing and close your eyes and imagine you are celebrating your 80th birthday and every important person in your life is around you. They are praising you. These people could be your children, grandchildren, spouse, colleagues, brothers, sisters, friends, relatives, business associates, neighbours, students and community or religious bodies. Imagine now, you are sharing milestones of your life with them. You are sharing your life achievements, your worthy experiences, conclusions, principles, values under you lived by, your successful journey and quality of thoughts and life.
Similarly, in further imagine on the same day, all people around you, are praising you and acknowledging your character, competencies and your life achievements and they are saying that you have been….. like this ….and this……., throughout your life ….and you were…. and are….. and will be as ….. (write here what do you wish to say about your on that day and write it…)
and now open your eyes and write the following three questions:
Question 1: What are list of achievements, goals, experiences, values, executed-plans and milestone you would be sharing with all people around you on that day?
Question 2: What do you want to listen from people around you? what should they be saying about you on that very day?
Question 3: What legacy do you want to leg-behind to the people after your life?
Question 4: What values you would be live by throughout in your life (from now to onward)?
Well-done! you are set on the journey to create your dream life.
Now next step are to think about couple of aspect of your important life and also write the answers of following questions:
Question 5: Identify one or two persons who have impact on your thoughts and life positively? How did that person(s) have influenced your life, in what aspects what values you took from this person and why you admire him most?
You need now to review what you have written on your notepad. You can circle, key ideas and key people within these question.
One important thing that mission statement could by half of page, few solid lines, more pages, a poem and an inspirational text or manifestation script or else. Its your own life you can choose in your own way. Hurrah!
Remember, this statement is like a seed of your life which will turn into powerful mature tree with fruits.
This is a rough draft of your personal mission statement which is not final yet. Now spend more quality time next few days with this draft until week finish and you continue to work on it. This brainstorming is extremely important. You can add or delete some points, key people, roles, achievements as you need. After few days you will see you do not need to add or delete anything more.
That is your Final mission statement. Congratulation!!!!
Amazing thing you created in your life!!! Awesome
Now you can transfer this statement to your personal and secret diary and you can also note it digitally.
What if you want to change it later, after few weeks or months?
Don’t worry, you can change it anytime. Because change means growth. Because successful life is very dynamic and many new things, roles and challenges come you can add or remove later.
Ideally, you can review it after ever month and you many ask yourself that is that mission statement is truly representing myself what I am going with and what I want to achieve and live by eventually?
If you heart solid answer YES from your inside and then there should be time of celebration!
This is personal mission statement of your life and live by it and inspire others.
Be remember that power of this mission statement depend on how you are sincere and give it quality time and you work on it.
After this I will be discussing with you how we can derive roles of our life and then goals of life in next steps.
Note: Please note that article is in connection with the series ” How to live by effective Time Management Principles”.
If you need any help to build your personal life mission statement and have any question. You can discuss with me and fill the following short form. I will contact you as son.
Preface – Is the business leadership subject of Management or it is covering all roles of life of an individual. Are we enough able to develop engaged and committed employees? Or do we see ourselves as great carer or parent? Are we enough self-aware that we are directly or indirectly connected with our cultural and social roots and at the same time we are making significant contribution to our organisation, family, society and the world?
Great author Dr. Stephen R. Covey says;
“I don’t define leadership as becoming CEO. A CEO is no more likely to be a leader than anymore else. I am talking about leading own life, being a leader among your friends, being a leader in your own family”.
These are very important and contemporary questions for contemporary and demanding minds. We are missing definite certain principle based believes-set that would modify our Industrial mind to information or knowledge worker age and it would prepare us against those societal forces, out of which we can choose to respond. We are product our generation-to-generation transferred attitude or we have our own wisdom of freedom to do or meditate against historical standards. I am victim of this lifestyle or thinking pattern because my parents & my family have been nurturing with this environment or we have our own voice that can create great relationships and humanitarian events.
Basically, leadership explain and provide us a new mind-set which provide us a unique paradigm of abundance mentality and freedom to choose our response. We need to cope all modern challenges of life, job, business and rapidly changing societal trends.
Dr. Stephen says,
“The problem of leadership today is that managers are still applying the Industrial Age control model to knowledge workers. They fail to tap into the highest motivations, talents, and genius of their people”.
Inspiring author and Leadership authority, Dr. Stephen R. Covey believes that every human is a unique combination of body, mind, heart and spirit. Each person on this earth has different needs of their living conditions, versatile talent of diverse taste, emotional attachments with natural and unlike things, roles and great voice of spiritual intelligence which guide the person throughout his life. This is so dynamic and great paradigm of human dignity.
Our almost every child and adult are studying in schools and university. But we need to think that did we provide them opportunities to learn effectively foundations of spiritual, moral, cultural and social needs. We have developed lot of engineering miracles and multi-million institutions but our students are lack of understanding of all human needs in reality. Our popular life style has born a generation where we read news; 66% Americans are either overweight or have obesity and similar data we have in other part of the world. Every person is under pressure of unwanted things. They are in pain but they have to live with it. We are building thousands of physical fitness gym, however, side by it, we have less number of leadership development institutions where we can develop such humans who can maintain their body fitness, learn to flourish, passion for excellence and live by conscience in every moment of life.
In this knowledge worker age, people are unable to keep balance in their different roles of life. For example, a productive employee could be very smart Manager to create multi-million dollars ideas to his organisation but that employee could not maintain great relation with their spouse. It could be a worse relationship setback!! They are not even proven caring parent or guardian. Likewise, business or technical professionals could have very unique mental approach for becoming successful entrepreneur or highly skilled worker but they are unable to understand their child’s needs. We need to build leaders to cope it. Dr. Stephen R. Covey said;
“When parents see their children’s problems as opportunities to build the relationship instead of as negative, burdensome irritations, it totally changes the nature of parent-child interaction. When a child comes to them with a problem, instead of thinking, “Oh, no! Not another problem!” their paradigm is, “Here is a great opportunity for me to really help my child and to invest in our leadership.”
This is indeed a great leadership paradigm.
Troubled life is also result of heedlessness of Time Management Principles, to do list is not sufficient and was an old method. Now this age demands new approach and new tool sets of keeping balance all tasks for all roles of life which we choose to plan and do proactive. Furthermore, we need to split our years and months into weeks and days, for all individual roles, based on urgencies and importance factor. Dr. Covey said, once;
“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” (Leadership Paradigm)
A smart business one may have extra substantial possessions but he or she could lack of meaning of life. They are not able to know about purpose of their life and give the ultimate inner satisfaction for their daily works why they should do it. This philosophical approach of thinking is as vital as earning money or other important work. They may need to study sacred literature or have certain links which indoctrinate them for religious or spiritual faiths which can give them direction of life and accountability as they would need.
As “Accountability breeds response-ability.”
On the other hand, Leaders are also so rich people with certain mind-set who can keep balance in their life, you know why? Because they have found their voice of their personal and professional realms and now they inspire other to find their voices and it will inspires millions.
Hence, Professor Stephen R. Covey define Leadership as
“Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves.”
So leadership is real need of today whatever you have the role of your life.
Leaders tend to be trustworthiness along with their competencies. Professional competencies demands new skills, new tool set and unique paradigm under character groom itself.
Character building is a great challenge of today’s world. Failure as personal or professional roles is in result of character weaknesses and our schools and society have been failed to make a trustworthy person. It effect, often, the personal relationships especially with friends and spouses and also in business environment when Manager or CEO involve in affairs and corruption scandals.
“90 percent of all leadership failures are character failures”.
Basically, character is composition of integrity, maturity and abundance mentality whereas competence build through technical knowledge of certain field or industry, conceptual understanding of things and ideas and how to become interdependent to achieve business or work goals. When character meets with competency, wisdom born. Leader than live by wisdom, act under humility and do by courage.
Leaders believe in synergistic team work where 1+1 is not 2 but 11 or more. Where teams in factory unit, offices and homes earn fruits of synergy every moment. They reinforce strengths and ignore the weaknesses of each other. If people have conflicts at work, home and in politics, leaders transform the issues the 3rd alternative solution which is a higher way out of solution provided by each party. Like Dr. Stephen Said,
“Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy the mental, the emotional, the psychological difference between people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it, but as they are.”
Today, most of employee are disengaged with organisational priorities. Involvement of employee can be make sure only by directly emotional attachment with core purpose of the project or organisation. Clearly communicated mission and its derived goals are indispensable for happier workers.
No involvement no commitment!
All principle-centred leaders believe in run their roles of life based on mission statement. Their personal mission are integrated with their professional job roles, family and relationships. Goals, weekly and daily tasks are their water under they live. They use modern technology for keeping their Time Management and priorities but do not indulge in it. They are self-manager and carry powerful life driven character oriented values like integrity, trust, humility, trust worthiness, dignity, optimism, synergy and stewardship. They lead their own life with interdependence style of amalgamation of Vision, Discipline, Passion and Conscience.
This world is turning into intense customer oriented. Every individual and organisation are somewhere are customers of each other. Therefore we need to build a mind-set where this customer oriented market can be satisfied and service must be essence of all passion and spirit.
Like Nathan Eldon said once, “Service is the rent we pay for living in this world of ours”.
Leaders have vision of deep thinking and philosophical foundation the way they perceive the world. They believe in people, watch dreams, have idealistic approach, aware of reality, really helpful for everyone and have capacity to think outside the box. Consequently, they are creative and mature enough to achieve their desired life.
Leaders maintain self-discipline because they believe in natural principles and see synergy everywhere in nature. They know that they need to focus on their mission and goals, constantly, independently through continues hard work and competent values with decisive nature. They executive in their business action plan with realistic and achievable approach.
Also, leaders are passionate about what they do, fearlessly. They are enough sensitive to accept every challenge of their life role, self-motivating and have immense courage to launch personal and business initiatives.
Keeping their vision, discipline and passion, leaders also need a lens through which they can accountable itself. They have great sense of right and wrong which burn them from their inside and they listen inner friend’s voice of their conscience, it always push or pull them in every moment of their life whenever they need of it. This little whispering is called conscience and govern all other three component of the whole-person i.e. physical, mental and emotional or social intelligences within a leader.
If an individual could really believe on these intelligences, along with whole roadmap to live on path of greatness, and find his own voice then it can discover a leader inside you, no matter what age level you are.
Dr. Stephen R. Covey says,
“We are a product of neither nature nor nurture; we are a product of choice”.
And that’s Leadership.
So we need to certain training programs that can build minds of our employees, parents, scientists and professionals who can cope and feel difference in this age of complexity and next age of wisdom. These trainings can have spirit to transformation the lives many individuals who can become source of inspiration of thousands of others and then this light spreads on.
Today multi-million industries and brand companies are investing billion pounds to educate on their employees development so that they can be engaged with purpose and operations of the organisation. Government and private organisations are focusing that how they can develop and transform minds of their workers to meet knowledge worker age economy needs and be cradle of inspiration for next business generation.
I believe that leadership developmental programs are voice of this age and is necessary part of every academia, on top. Individuals are getting blessed by virtue of this new mind-set and learn new skill-set to cope every challenge of new time.
Today, core academic discipline like Business Management has comprehended importance of education of Leadership development to graduates and professionals. Thousands of universities and colleges are announcing hundreds of courses, trainings, seminars and certifications for Leadership growth. Multinational organisation and cooperate world need diversity and vision in their management mentors and workforces to be succeeded their business master plans and financial goals. They are in great need of certain mind-set which can renovate their management into truly and dynamic business leaders.
I have shown you a very quick view of importance of leadership development in business, personal and social roles. There are many other dimensions as awakening calls for Managers and emerging individuals who can train themselves with change of successful paradigm that is need of today and we must need to abolish old successful way of thinking pattern because remember;
“ Nothing fails like success”.
Trainings based on leadership improvement packages and individual effectiveness are in fact fundamental function of today business and innovative world. Emerging enterprises and social organisations need networking and transparency in actions of which they want to achieve their collective dreams. Employees of the organisation want to work in healthy environment where they can fulfil their needs of personal and family economics, learn new skills and unleash their potential, emotionally connected with cause of the organisation with synergistic spirit and with definite accountable inner which whisper them either they are doing right and wrong.
“You cannot change the fruit without changing the root”.
Leadership and Management Trainings – an Effective Paradigm – By Maratib Ali Shad – London
I am Maratib. From the beginning of my super-conscious life after 2009, I was in Pakistan and my life transformed on a paradigm level and I started to see everything around me entirely differently and realistically. Before that, I was like a narrow-groomed street boy of Lahore as Lahori. I was really passionate and emotional about Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) as my Dad was a great fan of Bhutto and especially Benazir Bhutto. I remember that I used to wave PPP flag inside a room of my small-crowded house in Lahore, on election days in Lahore in the late 1980s & early 1990. However, Later in my life at a transformational stage, I realized deeply that core and effective change in the Pakistani society is only possible when we will work on a grass-roots level, in Slums, poor and less-privileged towns in cities and villages of Pakistan. I did categorically refuse to cast my vote to any political party in Pakistan. The main reason is that I firmly believe that politics is not a solution to solving issues of Pakistani living in the towns. I mean politics is important but not important than education. I also mean religion is important but not important than humanity and educational and safeguard training & development of primary level Pakistani children. Only real long-term impactful change is because of Taleem i.e. Education, Tarbiyat i.e. Training & Huner i.e. Technical skills.
The nations are set to achieve their national goals with a mission that gives the vision to lead generation to next 100 years. Usually, that nation is transformed with revolution whether it would bloodshed or as a result of the implementation of Titanic Educational emergencies in the countries.
I never support or convinced of achieving national success as a result of bloodshed based revolutions like few effective movements in Pakistan are already working on it. I am also not convinced of a capitalistic type of socio-economic system where Boss and money-worshipping has prevailed. I am convinced with changing the society through Taleem i.e. Education, Tarbiyat i.e. Training & Huner Technical skills. In this connection, if any political party in Pakistan has similar manifestations of Election 2018, I will be supporting them.
Millions of individuals and families have migrated from Pakistan for settlement in abroad (Arab countries, Europe, Americas etc), in last 30 years, for many reasons including terrorism, un-employability, dis-empowerment, severe insecure environment to grow rich families, rigid social barriers, selfish political agendas and people, poverty, illiteracy, pseudo-Muslim environment, religious sectarianism, failure of institutions and good governance, undefined and poor foreign policy and country borders, extremely limited opportunities to grow, highly lethargic and low pace of progress, unproductive and unprofessional state of mind of people and organizations and so on. These are few things to show at this time, nevertheless, there are also countless stories, incidents, and miseries of millions of people who are never told and expressed.
People are unable to locate the path of success because the infrastructure of Pakistan is unsupported and misaligned, enough, to leash potential and never realized. The people of Pakistan are strong but also a victim of global intellectual and imperial environment, and they do not have confidence and updated knowledge and skills to cope, compete and then lead it. Mentality and focus of the life of people are the focus on low-level of life that is Roti, Kapra, and Makaan. I believe that there are higher levels of life where Allah (God) has sent down man to use and explore intellect and moral values, but people of Pakistan are not ready and understand. Perhaps, people of Pakistan could not find any dynamic and trustworthy leaders after Quid-e-Azam and Allama Iqbal after passing of even 65 years since national independence in 1947.
In this complex age, Pakistan’s real identity and popular ideology of Two-Nation Theory is yet undefined on papers and controversial. People, groups, and organizations are fragmented with their opinions and hence people have lost their recognition and spiritual cause to be proud to be a Pakistani. People are really confused, seem like deaf and dumb or even more. I know these are very panic words for me and many but it seems a reality. Rights of Children, Gender and community discrimination, Human Rights, provincial prejudices, racism, corruption, dishonesty, and politics without principles are outer images of Pakistan.
Optimistically, I have high hopes and burning expectations from the visionary leadership of Imran Khan and his party. Election in Pakistan on 26th July 2018 would bring the biggest change which will affect, positively, all dimensions of people of Pakistan.
Personally, I do not have any bias views any political group and parties in Pakistan. I believe that many good people are working in politics. However, there are many reasons that why I support Imran Khan, of Election May 2013, in Pakistan:
I find Imran Khan as a true and transformational Leader, Courageous, Visionary, Honest, Steadfast, a man of integrity, believer of big change, Idealist and brave Pakistani Individual.
Imran Khan is indeed a successful individual who has transferred his vision to million people of Pakistan, effectively.
Imran’s heroic charismatic personality is full of Character Ethics.
Since my childhood, I could see Imran Khan as Heroic, bold and rocky individual.
Imran Khan chooses his spokesperson Andaleeb Abbas who is successful Leadership Instructor and CEO and she is also director of his Party’s Volunteer Tabdeeli Network and other departments.
Imran struggled openly and heartedly continuously for 17 years and became a true role model for millions of Pakistani in recent decades. He is the grand and social change agent who constructed First Cancer Hospital in ever history of Pakistan, lead Pakistan to win First Cricket World Cup in 1992, run a grand educational University College and gather experienced and most talented & honest people under one Party i.e. Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf
In worse environment of terrorism and adverse circumstances of Pakistan, Imran Khan is considered as a genuine ray of hope and light upon darkness.
There are many other various reasons why I and people are supporting Imran Khan for this greatest cause to CHANGE i.e. New or Naya Pakistan.
I want to contribute in making ‘Naya Pakistan’ where moral values of humanity, cultural diversity and synergistic cooperation from all types of people, organizations, cities, and provinces can be practiced, where dignity, respect, humility, transparency, openness, freedom to live and let other to live, discipline, willing to sacrifice, competency, consistency and energetic bodies are observed.
I hope that ‘Naya Pakistan- Tabdeeli’ would flourish and change the mindset of people of Pakistan idealistically, with long-term perspective & natural believes of humanity and with the religious, philosophical and intellectual approach.
I want to see people of Pakistan would live optimistically and with an empathic feeling for everybody, where they embrace every challenge fearlessly, they are enough sensitive to motivate each other in a passionate way.
I have a dream that people of the world and especially Pakistani would have an alive conscience which makes them enthusiastic, humble, and compassionate and feels like a servant to help others.
Their courage would enable their potential to unleash.
I remember very well, during my childhood, once I showed my personal interest to become a cricketer, to my grandmother and she commented, in response, very clearly:
‘Imran khan Maawa’n roz roz nahee paida kerti’
Since, I and my family are settled in London, England, I would support Imran, Spiritually, and wish Pakistan to start a grand change through this election, insha’Allah!!!
In today’s world, everyone is running after success. They do not want to lose, yet they are eager to
find methods and shorter and longer techniques to achieve success. In this scarcity world, most of people are not successful because their adopted wrong methods to achieve it. Sometimes, they can see and feel their desired positions and dreams, however, they do not know ideal methods how to execute them and get 100% results. They become reactive and lethargic for achieving those things which can get by only following principles and natural laws. If they get some little wins but they could not sustained. In developed corporate world, people are frustrated to cope their challenges even they cannot count them on fingers, either they have too many ambitions or no. They are lost on their ways. They never could not found their voices. They are noise or part of it. Their own voices are lost and even they do not listen or care other. People are furious about their state of minds. They try to share itself but do not have courage to share with other. They are cowardice. They are non-shared and have limited vision. They want to upgrade it but do not know how and hence they are trapped by negative energies and unreal thoughts which deviate them from path of success. One of their phobia is they do resist any change in life, hence they life and believes are not dynamic.
People have different perceptions about concepts of success. Since their paradigms and perspectives in same situations are different therefore their definitions are different. Regretfully, they do not even listen to their understanding of success. New ages are in progression but these conflicts and trends are increasing. I am wondering that why people do not listen other. Boss, Secretary, Manager, Director, Spouses, Environmentalists, Labors, politician and professionals, all have lost their voices. They are shouting on each other. Societies are lost and their legacy is no longer with them. People do not know what is empathy mean actually. They do not feel for learning.
As far their conscience turn into ego, they lost their trust on people and systems. They have no or doubtful faith on God spiritually. They install heavy packet of envy and Jealousy in their hearts because of inferior complex and egoistic. Their passions are reflections of social mirrors. They do what ever people are doing and following. They are eyes sees as eyes of other. They are undisciplined and backward cultured. Their vision is limiting believes and not-shared. Their bodies become their own masters and lusty. At the end, they are set-on path of failure or straitjacket.
Their values of not their rather values of other people. Their approach of living is Outside-In. They become happy when they are treated well and vice-versa:
I am working for most ungrateful owner of the house who never appreciate my service.
I work full-time, I do regular visit Mosque or Church and have many friends but i am alone.
I have consulted many people and learned many courses, none of single can fulfill me.
I am not paid well yet i am working hard to impress other to increase it.
Do not under-estimate my spiritual believes they are very dearer to me.
My subordinates are not loyal as i pay and give them more incentives, i am losing my customers and company prestige.
My mother-in-law is very authoritative and she criticizes me and i have not relationship with her but pieces of gravels.
I am fed-up of financial and social injustice, i am organizing protest in front of parliament.
I would provide all necessities to my children even I am unprivileged.
My husband and wife have very complicated relation, either one of us can quit it.
this world is going to end and my goals are unfulfilled.
These are some little glimpses of general people yet they are wondering for their solutions. I have deep feelings with them. I am compassionate with them.
I believe that there is path of principles and rules of productivity that bring abundance mentality to people for solution of their problems.
I would like to share with you those secrets which have brought changes in the lives countless individuals, teams and organizations. In near future, I would be sharing those basic habits, principles and process of sequences and development which will guide to find your voice. Have you thought that you choose to deviate from path of mediocrity!!!
I often think about different behaviors of people in identical situations and I could never understand until I went through Human behavioral lessons from Prof. Stephen R. Covey. Basically, all people do behave in SEE-DO-GET pattern, it means what people get depend on what they do and what they do depends on how they see the world. That very ‘see’ describes people mental images inside mind covered by brain and are called ‘Paradigms’, intentionally, I discover causes of people
doing different things in same situations. Every individual behaves and think because of their paradigms, what the meanings this person has defined in their mind. Usually, paradigms are build from childhood and throughout the conscious life. Greater the degree of maturity inside the brain of a person to understand the events and people behaviors, mature and reality based paradigms will be. I am not teaching you psychology lessons but only general understanding which will help you reshape your personal and professional life if you are looking for any turn or solution or break through. People perform actions(play roles) at home , office and in society, all depends on what and which thinking patterns they have in their minds within which they associate good or bad meanings and it all makes their personality. For example, if a newly hired employee could have meanings in the mind about supervisor as typical ‘Boss’ who orders and never listen ‘No’ from subordinates, then it might make employee insecure and suppressed. Because of past bad experiences or negative images about a ‘boss’ usually come from media or society throughout life, hence this thinking pattern will always stay walls between boss and that very employee. These walls can never be laid down unless employees start to work on their paradigms. In same manner, when supervisors treat their employees as machines and never allow to think and use their own initiative will and give freedom to them, Boss has also wrong paradigms about their assistants or secretaries or subordinates. Because higher position holders in an organization may think that what employee are nothing just ‘a body to follow, obey and act’. It’s very traditional attitude and belongs to earlier Industrial mind-set. So a typical wall, between not only boss and employee but also all people, would become bigger and distant. Dr. Stephen R. Covey says in his book The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness:
“If you want to make minor, incremental changes and improvements, work on practices, behavior or attitude. But if you want to make significant, quantum improvement, work on paradigms.”
In perspective of teachings of Dr. Stephen R. Covey, this current information or knowledge worker age have brought the new set of paradigms and tool-sets to get real success. Because the old pattern of thinking has been replaced with new paradigms. earlier, a boss used to perceive any change in work or function as ‘problem’ but a leadership-style of paradigm does not see any change as the problem but only ‘opportunities’ to exercise creative energy and solution of many other unseen problems.
Throughout the history of mankind’s technology and ideas, old technological things and ideas were always replaced by new meanings and interpretations of phenomenal of events, things, and people. New knowledge(s) and sciences are emerging just because of change of thinking(s), perceptions and paradigms.
Einstein once told:
“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”
Childhood experiences, misguidance, immaturity, and illiteracy are among main causes to have weak, unclear and wrong paradigms. We need to understand what we have experience in our personal and professional life, are just our own experience(s) which may be wrongly perceived and misconceived. Anyways, people still rely on their very thoughts. They do not even try to measure and evaluate it. People think that their ideas and definitions about people, things and events are very right and ‘do not try to disturb it’, excuse me! They assume it as their superiority over others. The culture of ego and arrogance may be active. Now question is that how people can know about the correctness of their paradigms. It is so difficult for people to identify and work on it, due to many mental and societal forces. However, I believe if people start to believe in ‘power of principles and natural laws’; that is the whole universe is governed by certain principles and laws and never things can happen beyond it, afterward people will try to guide their spirit and mind accurately, I believe. For example, to get money and material things are the real source of satisfaction and an individual’s social needs, are very common paradigms of people and they associate their happiness with it. But on the other hand, if we evaluate this notion of the principle of love and real meanings of life than this assumption of getting materials seems very weak and immature. Because true love and great ever-lasting inner satisfaction can only be achieved with unconditional love and attainment of material for the spirit of contribution and virtues only.
In multicultural places, people fight over racial and linguistics issues, and these are also mental images which they have about each other. Black man looks at the white man with prejudice because a black man may perceive them as arrogant. In opposite, a white man considers a black man as dirty, ill-mannered and ill-literate. When this attitude is multiplied by many people, community conflicts occur and so on. Similarly, an English man, sometimes, does not respect a Dutch because of ‘Nazis’ and German blame English because of their imperial colonialist approach and it goes on. I think that all world’s issues of differences get worse because of flaws in paradigms which they have associated with each other. It is true that all white, and black skin colors are not mattered of superiority but their strengths. Similarly, languages should not be the source of superiority but only their unique means of communication. I strongly believe that educator and researcher need to publish stuff for their nation in formally and informally about those wrong attitudes which transfer generation to generation is the result of inheriting paradigms.
People who drive their lives with positive thinking do construct their mental images with principles, systematic academic research, studies and reviewing sacred literature. We observe a number of people have the vision, passionate, disciplined in their physical life and with the conscience have always been proved quality thoughts and creative actions because there they have now sense to think and work accordingly and they have also the power to do against social mirrors. It is their constructed paradigms who fuel them enough to reject the path of mediocrity. Whereas principle based rightly guided paradigms leads leaders to the path of greatness. It is need of age. We need to self-determined our paradigms and throw away all prejudices and uncorrected patterns of thinking, the reason why a man is not the product of past, any racial agenda or genetic disease.
Dr Stephen R born in 1932. He lives with his wife, Sandra, and their family in Utah; in the Rocky Mountains. Covey achieved international acclaim, and is perhaps best known, for his self-help book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. which was first published by Simon & Schuster in 1989 and has sold around 12 million copies word-wide.
Covey has a Harvard MBA and has spent most of his career at Brigham Young University, where he was professor of organisational behaviour and business management. In addition to his MBA, he also has a doctorate which he completed whilst at Brigham Young University. Dr. Stephen R Covey has received the Thomas More College Medallion for continuing service to humanity and has additionally been awarded four honorary doctorate degrees.
Stephen is also a co-founder of the Franklin-Covey organization, which specialises in the application of Covey’s principle-centred approach to leadership and management. He is widely acknowledged as one of the world’s leading authorities on the subject of time-management. Thousands of organizations across the world, including many of the Fortune 500 companies, have adopted his innovative techniques on leadership, teamwork, and customer-focused service. His best-selling book on time-management, First Things First, co-authored with A. Roger & Rebecca R. Merrill, according to Simon & Schuster is the best-selling time management book ever.
The seven principles he presents in the 7 Habits are not original thoughts – he does not claim to have originated the ideas but simply to have found a framework and a language for articulating the time-less principles embedded into the seven habits. The 7 habits are to be found, he says, in all the major world religions. He believes the principles themselves to be ‘self-evident’, that is, ‘you cannot really argue against them’. His view is that all highly effective people, and enduringly effective organizations, have utilised the 7 habits, to a greater or lesser extent, to sustain their success.
Covey says that the 7 habits are ‘common knowledge’ but, he adds, are not necessarily ‘common practice’. In fact, it could be argued that the habits actually run counter to basic human nature. By our nature, we are reactive creatures and we are inclined to act mainly out of self-interest. But we are also as human beings capable of much higher thoughts and actions and by working hard to internalize the 7 habits we are able to develop a proactive attitude. By so doing, we can take charge of our own destinies and we are capable of exerting influence on other people for the collective good.
Actually I did not invent the seven habits, they are universal principles and most of what I wrote about is just common sense. I am embarrassed when people talk about the Covey Habits, and dislike the idea of being some sort of guru.
Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out.
Every human has four endowments self-awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom… The power to choose, to respond, to change.
I am personally convinced that one person can be a change catalyst, a “transformer” in any situation, any organization. Such an individual is yeast that can leaven an entire loaf. It requires vision, initiative, patience, respect, persistence, courage, and faith to be a transforming leader.
In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do.
Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.
Most people struggle with life balance simply because they haven’t paid the price to decide what is really important to them.
Our character is basically a composite of our habits. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express our character.
The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.
There are three constants in life… change, choice and principles.
We are not animals. We are not a product of what has happened to us in our past. We have the power of choice.
We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.
I cannot live without deep appreciation for Dr. Stephen R. Covey and his team for his series of works based on ‘principle based leadership’ and paradigms. The idea of morality and its association with current modern trends like pure divinity. In this materialistic and greedy environment Dr. Covey is being proven a voice of righteous. He already said, rephrasing, he does not teach or create works and ideas but only God, he is just conveying it. Regards, Maratib
Many people live not as successful because they have divided life into misaligned different paradigms for personal life, family, office and social work or community. They believe that each of four have different things, settings and aspects of life so behaviors associated should be unlike and smartly. People assume that all roles of life have different descriptions and deals of tackling with different principles. These all are not entirely interconnected and covering different stories of an individual’s life. For example, General Manager Adam quarrels himself because he is unable to manage himself and even Adam does not understand these four roles of life. Adam is being proven very controlling and dis-empowering manager and behaves reactively with his sub-ordinance, in the office. Personally, Adam has weak body, rough communication, distracted mental intelligence and poor spirit of life. Adam has no vision neither personal goals nor mission of life. Being a Manager his severe and hostile behavior is not acceptable for his sub-ordinances and even for his colleagues because of his unprofessional and unethical approach. It is all because of that he has misconception, to always try to be clever with colleague(s), tricky with Senior(s) and believe on Win-Lose or Lose-Lose. On the contrary, Adam has very soft tone and caring behavior towards his family and children. He believes on ‘Think Win-Win’ and passionate family life. No one in his family can believe that he is so unpopular in the office. Now when someone talks with Adam about something for social volunteer or religious works, Adam stops with half No and half yes. In real, Adam does not believe on social contribution and welfare work also. Adam probably is enough backward, to have awareness on importance of social works, without being paid. Because of fault in thinking of Adam, he has divided his sincerity and insincerity into four roles personal, office, family and religious or social life, separately.
Story of Adam is actually chronicle of many people of this information knowledge worker age. The very problem is lack of ‘professionalism is whole life’. Professionalism is not just association with your work. It is an attitude of your whole life and roles that is: personal, office, family and social work or community. An individual should not split personality into four or even more parts with different attitudes. Emerge all four roles with same and uniform attitude. For this, you need to work on paradigms of things, people, life and the world. The meanings and vision which a person has associated with things, people, roles and different settings, are actually the very problems. Like Adam, who was dealing with four roles with different attitude that’s why he lives a mediocre and victim life. Actually, Adam had wrong paradigms. Adam had associated wrong meanings with different roles, things and people that are why he collapsed, although he had very good family life, which was not enough to make him also successful in the office or working with social community or even personal management. Suddenly, a paradigm shift occurred in life of the Adam and his life took U-turn. In next few days, Adam started to manage and understood personal issues and designed goals to resolve issues. Professionally, Adam behaves, now, proactively and with empathy with his juniors. He likes to work as team member and helpful with colleagues. His Seniors appreciate his new innovative ideas. Social contribution has become his passion of life and now Adam has joined and leading as volunteering campaigner for fundraising for a moral cause. Adam found his voice.
Why all this change happened, just because of changing his attitude towards life. Since, he has found his voice; Adam has actually treated all roles of his life equally and with uniform attitude which is voice of professionalism. He has applied this concept of professionalism in all roles. Family, community, personal management and office, all four have is converted into professional. Adam has designed his work, family, personal and community goals as well. His unique spirit and soul has been built on concept of professionalism. For him, professionalism is something to achieving great in all life, by using energies and intelligence(s) of body, mind, heart and spirit.
Like Adam everyone should adopt uniform, unique and one proactive attitude in the life. Our whole life is one attitude, not distorted collection of different disintegrated believes, eyes and moods. I do believe that by working of personal management you can manage other as many roles of your life. Personal management can only heal your stress of life because thoughts of a person define outlook of his or her about roles, relations, things, events and world. This understanding in further generates different behavior and attitude differently, unless you have clear and universal understanding of life, concepts, things and people. Seriously, successful people live uniquely, calculated life and with scheduled approach, not only in job career but also with spouse and kids, friends, key persons and social people.
Professional development is an essential part of office and business life today. All companies and organization are offering their employee the trainings, courses and workshops on this subject. Organizations are spending handsome amount of monies on affording best trainers and coaches. New and fastest growing industry to teach Leadership and personality development are also growing. I know these sorts of trainings are really productivity and also provide forum to understand, share and learn new concepts, trends and innovation. My job career stay of five years in LUMS University really proved to be metaphor, enhancing my professional growth which later influenced my personal, family and religious life. I never try to separate my office life from my family or community life, because I believe firmly that ‘what is professional is very personal for me’. I always try to adopt unchanged attitude with LUMS colleagues, friends, spouse, family and religious and social fellows. This secret is now very open in today’s world also and everyone who wants to live and achieve great life in real terms, is the following principle of uniform and organized life with broad and unique perspectives, not following social mirrors.
Professionalism is also the subject of leadership today. In offices and social life we see many diverse minds having enlarged visions are proved to be leaders unless they follow a specific and essential discipline in the life. Leaders cannot translate their vision into reality unless they do show professionalism. Their character is fruits of ideal attitude for each role of their lives.
Professionalism actually gives security for whole life covering all roles with goals and ambitions. Non-professional people are hardly seeing to accomplish goals of life; never have they designed goals, ironically. I have also interaction with many people in my life which have designed their goals and want to do something good but due to lack of vision of discipline and professional approach, they get fail.
Professionalism is an art to deal all roles of our life. This art is so necessary that I strong recommend including this subject of ‘Professionalism’ as compulsory component of all types of education everywhere in the world. It should teach everywhere because this age of indispensable is also an age of passion of services. Passion of giving services cannot be shown heartedly unless you do it by heart. Sectors like education, hospitality, local town governments, retailers, hospitality, super-markets, public organizations and religious groups all give services to public. Nathan Eldon Tanner put it in this way: “Service is the rent we pay for living in this world of ours”.
Professionalism also gives standard to your body, mind, heart and spirit. Your body should be slim, smart, healthy, composition of positive energy, quick and active, in such a way your body always ready to move on your initiative(s) which is obviously in result of choices you make everyday and every moment of your proactive life. Anything which make one’s body lethargic, sluggish and sources of negative energies, in way of reactive move. Your professional approach will be boosted when you learn books, audio and video stuff and involve yourself to study in related to your field. The best way to enhance your mental intelligence is to put yourself in academia. Engage yourself and learn and apply just. Earn certificate and degrees side by side your job, but with understanding and applying of the contents. Your heart should produce emotional connection with your body and mind in such a way that you influence other people. All social skills, ‘The 7 Habits’ taught by Dr. Stephen R. Covey will be a vital victory in your life including family life. At last your voice of conscience and spirit should be regular feed you like a way you keep yourself stick with your goals, mission and diary management all the time, spiritually. This holy power will be fueled by reading sacred literature, stories and wisdom and it will be proven a driving and most mighty guide to keep you on path of professionalism.
I recommend you to learn habits of ‘be Proactive’, ‘Begin with the end in mind’ and ‘put first thing first’ taught by Dr. Stephen R. Covey in his best book ‘The 7 habits of Highly Effective People’. These three habits will able you to win yourself by yourself and are also called ‘Private Victories’ and Dr. Covey says ‘Private Victories precedes Public Victories’. I also suggest buying a diary and after brain storming of defining roles of life, goals and mission of your whole life, putting timeline each of goals and follow-up regularly. Do act now. Achieve something great as husband, wife, colleague, parent, student, CEO and member of the society by following same attitude with universal paradigms, professionalism and diary management. This is something which makes you very human and unique effective individual. I believe influential organizations, groups and people do believe on broadening perspective of professionalism. They expect from every of his employee to live life with unique and world-class professionalism.
A family is a significant unit of any society. Family is a formal social contract in which a husband of a family and wife take the oath to live with each other with common family interests. Their reasons to be married may be; mutual financial benefits, physical need, religious obligation, children thirst, sharing wealth, home management and a life sharer. Nevertheless, I encourage a marriage couple can be seen in terms of synergy and a source of creating a 3rd alternative life in celebration of their differences or so-called conflicts. Marriage or family is so inter-connected with job and work of a complete person. If it gets disturbed then it will affect on your job eventually. I observed many professionals working and behaving poorly on workplaces are the outcome of stressful family life. Either they have problems or threats to be separated from the spouses or matrimonial annihilation is being undergone. I guess that much multinational cooperation and high ranked organization do consider spouses and children as their sub-employee or give them priority. Human Resource leaders believe that a complete employee cannot be extra-ordinary productive unless she or he would have been successful marital life. Therefore in coming discussion, I’ll unhide core situations in the marriage life.
One of tragedy of the world in every society is ‘divorce’ which is an outcome of serious insurmountable conflicts and counter-arguments from not only husband and wife but also from two different human worlds. A rough idea says that people living in US have divorce rate at critical height of around 50% [i] which means every second American is divorced. One of paradigm associated with these conflicts are the role of in-laws and families for a couple. Influence of parents, parents-in-laws, siblings, relatives, customs of families and social norms play crucial roles in shaking this beautiful relation of husband and wife. Socially, a person’s mind has images of their own childhood experiences, upbringing styles, media interactions, intra-family interventions, academic and professional exposure and it all from attitude of the husband and wife in deciding for difficult problems they facing. Whenever husband and wife perceive differences of each other as conflict and threats for them rather than opportunities to create a 3rd alternative and unique future, they become insecure and defend and start to justify their doings. To giving explanations and arguments become common practice. Hence they assume themselves as victims and live by narrow vision. First alternative opinion of husband clashes with second of wife and hence both go opposite and equal and in large magnitude usually. Generally, a weak Husband is recognized for his low-income, not giving time to wife and children and wife usually mis-perceives him in many situations, in addition, sexual incompatibility, unorganized house keeping and in-laws troubles become front issues. Husband and wife blame and complain each other everyday. The excessive misunderstanding and over-understanding bring lot of complications and ever-lasting fights. These acute tussles become chronic when no husband or wife is able to have sense to solve and think out of box. Both try to find solutions from 1st and 2nd alternatives and not the 3rd alternative. The 3rd alternative solution can be resourcefulness in bringing peace and harmony to every troubling couple. Couple should celebrate their differences and see differences as their unique endowments and not the errors or flaws. They become vulnerable and create negative synergy. Thankless, underestimating and mistrust allow them to feel insecure. Their reservations are their daily agendas and demand ‘do’ something immediately. Any delay or slow response is taken as a doubt. Both do insult, disrespect and hurt each other. In conservative and narrow visionary social settings, wife has very limited role and subjected not to allow any show of liberty, her ‘will’ and doing creative thoughts. Traditional home settings may be dis-empowering woman and husbands take benefit of this tragedy. Gender race is practiced and man usually wins over woman. Society considers a woman as weak, less-esteemed, non-productive, unemployed, less-rich and inferior in intellect than to a man. They assume intellect of a woman is as faulty by birth from nature. These believes and old tool-set followed by husband and in-laws of wife make her very limited and ineffective in a social context. Role of mother-in-law for a couple of play significant role in many cases. Moral, legal, spiritual and intra-family influence of mother of both wife and husband is taken as a threat in privacy, liberty and couple’s goals. Media is exposing many filmy and reality based TV dramas and subjects of movies are being broadcasted in terms of mother-in-laws and in-laws openly. A possessive and emotional wife does not like influence of mother-in-law and vice-versa. This situation gets worse and unaffordable when husband prefers his mother and siblings than of wife and vice-versa. Husband puts conditions of love to his wife for love with his parental family. This insecurity creates negative emotions, jealously and makes her bias in very discussion of parental families. Reactive husbands behave badly sometime in response and this fight continues and divorce looks like only hope of survival. In this condition Dr. Stephen R. Covey says “To solve our most difficult problems, we must radically change our thinking[ii]”.
Most concern stakeholders in result of separation of couple are children. Distorted minds, shattered personalities and psychological weaknesses of such children are their outcomes. As Dr. Covey says:
“Divorce affects more than a million children annually in the United States alone. The data show that children of divorce are more likely to suffer from discipline problems, psychological disturbances, lower academic achievement, and poor health”.[iii]
I know a brilliant but very disappointed and deep teen age boy of 12 who writes very sad poems and share it with others, for the reason of his separated parents. Since he has experienced harsh quarrels between his mother and father since his very childhood that’s why he is now such a boy who posses a tragedy & passive literature in mind all the time.
One of social dilemma of broken marriages is that no side is ready to accept or even listen the truth-slices from other side. In Dr. R. Covey’s opinion, these criticisms are very essential and important in order to get solutions. I know a family in which a semi-disable girl was married and her disability was hidden by her family and not communicated at time of marriage to husband family. After marriage husband soon knew this disability and did second marriage to someone. Husband could not divorce his first defected wife because of three children. On the other hand when she offended small crimes due to very mental illness, a series of quarrels in home was observed for many years. Ultimately, both families of husband and wife blamed each other for it and left each other permanently. Now they are separated because to not accepting reality of disability. Solution lies only within whether they will accept this harsh truth. It is all because of her mental disability was never communicated or admitted in-spite passing of 10 years of marriage. But future of those three children remained unresolved.
Many case show that week communication and misunderstandings between couples cause distressing results. Silence messages are either not understood or totally unintentionally ignored. On some situations both assumes that she or he is understood and it does not need any explanation as it is a common sense. This expectation creates a lot of complications because common sense is not a common practice. It may take several months and years that husband wanted to give quiet messages to his wife and wife never ever could able to understand it. This is also called communication gap. Both do not understand each and assume wrongly or weakly. This gap lasted for long and may cause more complications. Researchers have shown a clear proof that majority of separation of married people are due to weak or poor communication. Either they are uneducated enough to communicate their feelings or prejudice to listen each other. When communication is muted, all types of walls start to rise. In order to fall these walls, an empathic listening is needed. In this common situation Dr. Stephen R. Covey advises ‘First seek to understand then to be understood’[iv]. Actually when husband and wife listen to each other in a way that her feelings become of his and his troubles of her, then a straight line can connect their minds. This line will provide base to look into the partner. If both believe on any solution then they will come on a common. Because conflict is born when other side is not understanding or focusing on rising feeling. Now after empathy both husband and wife are source of love and care for each other and I am sure they will get through what ever the circumstances they would have in background.
Dr. Covey mentions shocking information: “wives and husbands who once had a passion for each other grow cold toward each other. The United States has the highest divorce rate in the world, at 40 to 50 percent of all first marriages. Russia is second, with the nations of northern Europe close behind. Even countries with low actual rates (usually because of cultural disapproval of divorce), “emotional separation” is far too prevalent.[v]
Possessive nature is a negative trait and should not be encouraged. Some people take it as signs of love, nevertheless, Person should always believe on sharing and not to block information, not jealousy and let not to bound spouse. This is in result of mind-set of ‘thing-paradigm’. When spouse starts to see his or her spouse as thing, not mind then spouse tries to occupy him or her like matter. When you shop mobile, it means you occupy it because mobile cannot do anything except depends how you treat with mobile and what you want to use mobile in any condition. Similarly when this attitude is transformed with spouses, obviously it is taken against dignity and freedom of man given by God. Conflict and resistance invoke. This resistance sometimes long lasted in such a way that bad consequence is happened, in form of low-trust, high ego and hence both fight or flight. A married couple is supposed to be combination of two mature humans. Human does believe in freedom of every person. In opposite case you will lose spouse or loved one in the end. Abraham Lincoln once said: The surest way to reveal one’s character is not through adversity but by giving them power.
Parents are most important and influencing relations for anyone in this world. After marriage, they also try to influence on couple because they think that they are young and with limited mind for discipline and balancing their lives. In modern era, wife never accepts this type of interferences. It causes tussle and typical in-laws issue invokes. Jealousies, baseless assumptions, wrong paradigms, negative thinking, reactive mind-set, socio-economic problems all are supplementary with it. So she perceives in-laws and mother-in-laws as hard people. Sydney Smith put it in this way
“Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes in between them”.
In all dimensions, love of son with her mother and mother’s love toward his son is naturally and appreciable yet wife in many of stances is not able to admit. Hence, wife feels herself unsecured. Because she thinks that her in-laws have started to rule on her husband on account of siblings which will make his relation limited with her. She opines that now she cannot define his love towards husband because of husband family and she gets worried and frustrated. And whenever unintentionally she show this reservation to his husband, in many cases husband do not tolerate and consider this expression, an error in wife and this conflict continue. Ideally, husband should play a role in balancing between his siblings & parents and wife. He should clearly discuss about relations and their important in his life and wife also respond it positively. If wife wants to avoid any in-laws dispute then she should trust and follow her husband. She should see her in-laws with eyes of husband and vice-versa. Because due to bad social weather about in-laws issues, when they will see their in-laws with their bias eyes and less-information and weak vision, both could create new and traditional disputes time and again throughout life. For this I believe, both husband and wife should believe on realities and try to educate each other about their parental families in realistic way so that both should understand it without any negative or opposite comments.
In many part of world wife is mostly victim and oppressed. Societies of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, China, and Korea have limited but important role of wife. In UK, USA and European countries, wives have all legal, social, work liberty and woman rights. In my view both sides are on extreme. Actually, both sides want to use women in their self-driven cultural context and hence both believe on restriction and liberty respectively. An ideal or good husband judges these differences and treats with his wife with different and creative thinking. He takes his wife in a different and unique one and let her to be apart from reactive culture. He wants to have a different set of believe and concept of greater family which will have quality and greater thoughts and acts beyond social paradigms. As far building a new and great family, they believe on unbiased approach, love for all and hate for none, power of initiatives to make strong relations with others and vision-based family life. They try to live and create such a harmless culture that they can able to practice an ideal life. This type of creative family is believe on empathic listening and also mission oriented life like a professional team and believes on synergy such as one plus one is eleven or even more. Husband and wife should celebrate their different thoughts, by mixing them and practicing them as creative and new things. They get beyond-expectation results in short time, huge lovely passion and also creative children. This is a success and voice of real family of this modern age.
In many of case ego does play a negative role in separation. Ego increases when trust decreases. Since husband and wife have the problem of low-trust than their inner pull let other spouse stay far away. At this position, not-sharing, dis-empowering, domestic violence and reckless behaviors are the results. Both wait to see each other to be initiative to shake hand and say sorry. If this sorry takes longer time then clashes get severe and more complex. I believe on stay ahead and take initiative to make high needs, only vision with less power. We create, mostly of quarrels due to ego and not to say sorry first. There should not be any harm or feeling inferior in accepting mistake first. This is dignity of man to show humility and down-to-earth.
In many societies, on account of gender race husbands and wives make clashes and show their superior gender differences. Superior or strong male and inferior or weak female are the continue fight and rigid paradigm in every society. I cannot say those women are like this. I admit woman are more emotional , sensitive, materialistic and in less-technical how know, beauty conscious, talkative, get jealous quickly, do comparison people and situations more frequently than that of men. Yet they are very fragile, agile, kind-hearted, beautiful, organizers, caring, and polite, great caring in hospitality at home than men. I feel that these characteristics should not only associate with men in generally rather than both man and woman are human beings, is the right paradigm and both are superior and have equal rights. Only wrong or bad doings and positive thoughts should make them superior or greater to each other. When husband and wife quarrels each other than their point of taunts and clashes are the gender prejudices also. We also need to see each other, beyond gender descriptions and see only as unique humans as wives do. As we are experiencing that woman are playing and show equal level of professionalism as men in every walk of life around the world today.
Low trust and distrust nature of spouses are bigger problems of marriage life. They find illegal and unfair social relation with opposite sex. Sharing bed, privacy and bad characteristics compel them to get either enmity and ask them for divorce. Extra marital relations based stories and media movies are products of this aspect of life. A true husband or loyal wife both can be betrayed, nevertheless, whole-hearted couple and ideal spouse die on each other at any time.
Conditional love is also source of dispute between husband wives. In this world, generally all wives love their husband because husbands love their wives and vice-versa. Because wives care children and their parental family therefore I love my wife. Because my husband love my parents and siblings and belonging that’s why I love my husband and because both have mutual conditional benefits that’s why both loves each other. This conditional love never lasted for long. Because true love always without conditions. Unconditional love of a father and mother towards his or her child is a bright example. Reality of this world shows that no wife and husband can fulfill expectations of each other. Hence love decreases. And it can lead a relation into parts.
Financial insecurity has been proved so far an increase of 4.5% divorces in UK year 2010. Psychologists observed that most of the root causes of quarrels between husband and wife due to low financial status. That’s why to live peaceful marriage life, career settlement and regular sources of income are words of mouth. Some people think that conflicts among couple belonging to elite and aristocratic social classes are very less. I believe that it should not a standard but only one of good reason to live peaceful married life. It is because of global financial stress is affecting almost every country and their social rest are getting at high risk. Rate of unemployment, robberies and corruption are their upshots. Therefore high rate of divorces are happening.
Big differences between families’ norms and customs commonly cause unrest for couples and also in-laws. Every established family may have different set of believes and way of understandings about role of husband and wives. When couple get marriage in out-of- family, chances of conflicts and low-trust are more than marriages in same-families, because people are very stick to their set-criterion, conservative and fix terms. Today, people have low temperament, aggression and high intolerance. People do not respect other differences and perceive as threats to their own self-made principles and social mirrors, hence, Parents-in-laws try to mold their wives mostly according to their own ways. Mostly self-esteem and sensitive wives refuse to live under pressure of in-laws and resistance rises. Rather than wives feel proud of their own parental family’s life styles, affiliation and good or bad traditions and they also want to continue it even in their joint in-laws home and it is taken as threat. Results sometimes are very negative in most of the cases. Again due to spirit of respect and lack of democratic approach, these situations make a married woman in very pathetic state. Family norms of both sides collide with each other and disturb so badly the relation of husband and wife. Wise husbands can be proved very resourceful in saving relationships and both families. Sometimes husband is able to evaluate his parental family and himself and his wife & her parental family without any prejudice. He handles the issues one by one and systematically like a goal. He talks to his wife and her parental family with care, love, compassion, logic and problems are patched-up.
High percentages of couple want to live in their own home separately and not with parents. Same like, gap between old parents and young couple increases and also wall rises throughout rest of life. This irony is biggest tragedy of last twentieth century, in my views. Clashes and generation gap cause psychological and social anxiety. When parents are separated from their married children, it is really emotional and sensitive on-going reality all the time in every corner of the world.
I have observed many couple taking their spouses as ‘thing’, not ‘mind’. Basically a human intellect is the function of mind. When opposite spouse start to treat you like he or she does not either trust on your thinking capacity and wants to only order and control the spouse, then a heavy resistance is seen in form of abusive and violent behavior. A person always wants to be understood because of that he or she considers himself or herself as mind whatever mental capacity or level is. This ‘thing’ paradigm is often seen not only in home life but also on work places. Basically in assessment of Dr. R. Covey ‘thing paradigm’ was an old approach, adopted in Industrial age. When a boss controls his employees like things that’s why negative culture is formed in office. On the other hand, ‘mind’ paradigm is more advanced and need of current information/knowledge worker age, in which a boss see his employee as mind and proactive and love culture are built. Similarly, a couple should respect each other in such a way that both admit their potential and always expect a creative and different and unique responses because creativity invites a mind to think out of the box and creative solution is the feature of people having unique intellect especially who believe to be different because of the 3rd alternative approach and four intelligences of body, mind, heart and spirit, as Dr. R. Covey let others to focus on it in his many books. As Drucker compares both ages like this:
The most valuable assets of a 20th-century company were its production equipment. The most valuable asset of a 21st– institution, whether business or non-business, will be its knowledge workers and their productivity[vi].
When girl and boy friends are succeeded in making marriages, a set of expectations after marriage and before is very different and unmanageable sometimes. Because of affiliated with different in-laws, financial needs, sexual balancing and children creation, marriage life have been proved very different experience for many married people. Love-marriages are commonly perceived as ‘fail marriages’ as compared to ‘arranged-marriages’. Because in love-marriage both husband and wife are willingly involved by heart unlike in arranged-marriage parents and siblings from both sides choose to bring bride and groom into their families. In trouble times, both type of marriage, solutions may be different. Because in arranged-marriage, severe quarrels between couple are resolved by involvement of both parental families successfully, unlike in love-marriage, no positive involvement from families is commonly seen for patch-up the relations. This is also tragedy because couples need to counsel themselves. Therefore love-marriages do fail due to societal attitude and also weak characters of husband and wife. In any case solution lies in the 3rd alternative and creative way of thinking for husband and wife to get a creative solution which was never existed before. Believe on one plus one is equal to eleven leads a unique couple into world of all possibilities as author Dr. R. Covey suggests best solution of most difficult problems of family life in his fresh book the 3rd alternative, Sept 2011. He forward a quote “where there is joy, there is creation” (_The Upanishads)[vii].
My source of inspiration in solving conflict management is also 3rd alternative. Because every person is unique and important, they should be respected and their different opinions and differences are sources to practice positive synergy. I strong suggest the reader to read new book of Dr. Stephen R. Covey: ‘The 3rd Alternative Solution’ for understanding problems and solutions of family life. Combination of different minds in creative ways of husbands, wives, in-laws and sibling can bring amazing and influential peaceful results in the families and hence whole society will be blessed and get influenced gradually. I inspire by God’s one of saying to mankind, ‘They (wives) are clothing (covering) for you and you for them….”[viii].
Vision is an eye of you which gives direction to your inner-self and sense about how to see and treat external world. A non-visionary individual treats his all world roughly due to several socioeconomic reasons. He does not have clarity about professionalism. He gets education not for contents but for degrees and certificates. He does not do job and business for contribution or service but for monies and benefits. Surely, professionalism is an attitude by which a person tries to fulfill all his or her wants and needs of personal, family and organization. Being a ‘professional’ means to be a dedicated and a goal oriented employee; trustworthy; unbiased and free from all prejudices; having strong listening and clear speaking skills; kind and compassionate towards his customers, workers and colleagues; able to write decently; proactive and should not depends on conditions; with organizational skills; time management skills; have technical and job specific knowledge, and friendly and be an easy person. All of his competencies, job performance and company goals depend on vision he has. Vision gives them a canvas and farsightedness by which they do and perform whatever a small step or a big action plans. Unfortunately, a huge numbers of students all over the world are not even taught in their countries all these and many other requirements of become a professional or true employee or businessperson in their practical lives. A student when goes ahead in professional life then he or she faces a series of frustrations and is not able to understand and solve the professional life’s problems. It is all because people have understood job or profession or their business without morality.
A moral or spiritual attachment of a professional with work, department, and organization makes him unique employee or successful businessman or spouse. In my experience of seven years of professional in academic settings at LUMS University and University of South Asia, I have come to interact many incompetent and pseudo professionals; in fact all they were bodies and not minds. In immature and highly straitjacket environment, People are selected either on personal reasons or after that they do jobs and create bad weather on workplace. People involve themselves in office politics, back-biting, leg-pulling, with non-sharing attitude and become jealous easily. They do not attend their offices or desk properly and they are with empty characters with no vision. Whereas a visionary employee due to his clear expectations of future long terms benefit and productive results, he does organize and dedicate himself and behave like a true human being and helper. He ever always ready to work as volunteer. His helping hand shows his professionalism. He behaves like a leader. His way of talk and body movement shows his thoughts and ability to work even under pressure due to proactive and creative mind-set. Because his mind is generating continuously emotional reasons with the job to be attached even he is on job outside the job timings. He starts to make love with his department and hence organization. He does attach himself spiritually with the department because of his vision which he has built. He helps and cares every of his colleague and Boss not for only job and money but for contribution. He loves and cares his wife and family always. He prefers and chooses to live principle based life due to his vision. Actually, passion to contribute into job or home or society is an outcome of a great vision.
I remember my one of best moment at LUMS during my administrative job when I spoke before Vice-Chancellor in presence of huge LUMS staff audience for agenda of staff welfare and benefits, then I did not realize that I was working on junior post. Before that very day, at whole night I could not slept till dawn and prepared two pages documents of suggestions and points to address as representative of staff body of the university. At that open-house I did speak to VC for few minutes under shadows of my vision for my organization and its people. Actually my vision made me bold in such a way that in next day I received an appreciated email from Vice-chancellor mentioning of few point making him realizing his eyes opener document he did receive yesterday from me. Preparation of document, courage to speak and giving document to VC in front of University and then receiving a healthy feedback was outcome of a vision.
Those professionals who have no vision or less great eyes are also facing severe troubles in abroad while seeking and doing employment. During my stay at Dubai and now in London, I observed many stupid, sluggish, reactive and non-directional thousands of professional who seek and do jobs against their fields and passion. How a person can be productive if he or she is not involved passionately in their jobs and businesses or living with their families. How can they be positive when a career seeking lawyer starts to sales things and eatables. High level of unemployment and job spaces are also important factor for working in non-related fields in contemporary world, nevertheless, I see no or very less passionate professional even in multinational place like London and Dubai are. Morale of such type of people is quite low and showing very passive nature. Of course without vision of service, contribution, meanings of life how can they seek exact jobs and roles.
There is one popular misconception among people exist. Basically, vision is not something like your mission or goals or aims. Rather vision translates your mission and goals into reality with meanings of ‘why’. It means if an individual makes his personal, family or professional goals or mission and if these goals and mission are not associated with something meanings of ‘why’, then we say that very individual is without vision and hence could not be effective enough or consistent in achieving all it because of lack of vision. For example, if a prime minister of a country is appointed with having mission or goals to make this country among top 10 great countries of the world in next 25 years then it is not a vision. Because there is not attachment of cause or meanings or philosophy or answer of why with this mission, Yes, if prime minister designs mission to make that country among top 10 countries of the world in next 25 years because of its positive impact on the whole humanity then it is a mission or goal with vision. In this case rate of achieving success will be maximum. Similarly, if a manager sets goal of becoming director after five years of his job without associating any moral or philosophical reason then he or she will not be effective for whole company and society. If a husband or wife decides to plan a baby for adding a great & creative human being in the society then they are visionary parents.
I remember once when, in LUMS University, few years back I addressed to team of professors in formal meeting and deliver a speech about defending roles of Secretaries. I spoke to them for this role. It was an extra-ordinary effort from me alone for reviving dignity of Secretaries in the department. Actually I was realizing that professors were trying to devalue the role of Secretaries at that time within the department. Because I was working with a vision, I talked with my Head of department and he was kind enough to allow me to speak with faculty member for it and I received a feedback ‘well done’. I never underestimated any role in any capacity in organization. I do believe that all roles are very important for management because all employees of each and ever role are bringing vision of that organization into reality.
Vision is a function of brain and mind. Mind does generate such image in result of knowledge(s), dreams, imaginations, academic qualifications, professional experiences, childhood experiences, books and literature stuff and media interactions, all these contribute to make vision. One person should make more imaginations. Einstein once said “imaginations are more powerful than knowledge”. Highly successful and effective people build and make their vision by earning more and more certificates, degrees, work experience, sharing with colleagues, attaching with books & reviews, magazines and academic and professional multimedia. Regretfully, people do not give time for learning any useful stuff and hence they become ignorant and victimize easily. Yes. Opposite of vision is ‘victim’. Without vision an employee, spouse, parent and organization do behave like victim. Their bodies are like indulgence with following social mirrors rather than their own voices and passion. There all become packets of their moods and depends on conditions and hence live very ordinary and mediocre lives with no contribution. They pursue short cuts and adopt personality ethics rather than to build their characters first. Without vision, people want quick fixes and solutions and hence culture of bad values form and potential is suppressed. An individual, organization and whole society do suffer.
This all shows that how vision is very important for all of us. To make and feel you some one special and significant person you need to be a visionary being so that your body, mind, heart and spirit work altogether and unleash your potential which is enough to make you an entire unique human.
Many people in the world are realizing the edge of free will given by God over nature of determinism. I feel that this insightful fight of free will and fate continue in every person. Feelings of free will allow a person to go ahead in life with positive and proactive attitude and while feelings of all-things-already-done drag of path of mediocrity and passive. Majority of sluggish people secure their powerlessness from religious believes which really are in error. God has sent down man for a cause and with power of initiatives and freedom of choices which means he or she always can be have state of acceptance or rejection of acts or feelings beyond their moods and traditions. Victim of determinism will do nothing or very less even after getting all resources and taught success ways. They perform gossips as art and satisfy their minds on baseless and low-level arguments. Victims of passive and negativity minds are ego-full and with low trust. His heart dissipates negative feelings and grudge-mate. He follows social mirrors and his vision replaces always feelings to be victim. He is enough slow and sluggish to make any promise and commitment or short term goal. He has never vision or discipline. His ego never allows rejoining broken relations. He feels lonely and tries to get nice feelings from wrong and bad things. He is victim of appetites and lust. He never compromises and always believe on win-lose or lose-lose. He is on path of mediocrity and failure and unsuccessful person. He does not behave like leader. God does not happy with him.
On the other hand, a positive person is very proactive. Proactive person does not depend on conditions. His or her success lies on power of choices and freedom of response. Proactive man does people on spiritual and divinity with right path around concepts. He finds himself in mission oriented and purposeful life. He believes that God has sent him with certain rank and as His-Vice. Proactive person knows that all things are known by God and that is his fate. Yet he does not know what God knows so he does according to right path and uses active and initiative nature. Positive thoughts and go ahead are his slogans usually. His heart feels very love and compassionate. His ego replaces with conscious and feels high trust. His body, mind, spirit and heart are in-line. He commands them. His righteous nature makes him a happy person. He proves to be a successful employee or businessman. He keeps creative energy and empathizing nature with everyone. He works under circle of influence and not circle of concern. He dissipates his negative energy into positive. He believes in positive synergy and the 3rd alternative. His mission and organized life allows him to achieve all goals. He does always believe on win-win situation. He has very empathizing nature. He is enough effective and influential to his circle of people. His heart gets passionate and body gets discipline. He forgives other and ignores bad responses. He is very effective and really successful man. He behaves like servant-leader. God is very happy with him.
One of tragic difference between bad man and good man is that for bad man all is bad or at least suspicious; internal and external worlds, his own-self and also good people, but Good Man sees even bad man as good man, his own-self and all worlds are with purpose and meaningful. I see state of heart is based on state of mind, body and soul and if anyone is faulty then heart starts to feel all things faulty. On contrary if heart generate compassionate feelings based on his body, mind and soul then all is well.
Bad man is bad man because he or she has not discovered himself/ herself yet. He or She is unable to identified his or her natural voice and unfortunately believe on artificial or biased voices. Since bad man has equal great competencies and values but due to lack of knowledge and low-confidence he or she are lost. Whereas Good man recognizes and finds all of his or her natural voices and act accordingly with set goals and mission, no matter what conditions and culture they have around. Because of his high-smartness of acknowledgement of his or her voice they are called good.
Simply, you decide which type of individual you want to become now?